A PE teacher from Cardiff called Tony is frozen solid after being caught in an avalanche in 1979. There he remains until global heating sees to his thawing and he pops up in the present day, exactly as he was back then. Comedy ensues. This is make-believe, by the way; it’s the premise of Mike Bubbins’ BBC series Mammoth. In the masterful opening scenes, to the sound of Gerry Rafferty’s Get It Right Next Time, we see Tony being scornful, angry, frightened and disgusted by four things that didn’t happen before his big freeze.
He scoffs at a bloke carrying a baby in a sling, gives a charity chugger very short shrift, and jumps out of his skin when a youth on a hoverboard zips past him. But it was Tony’s disgust at a woman picking up her German shepherd’s poo that got me thinking. When did picking up dog poo become the thing to do? Or, put another way, when did just leaving it there become the thing not to do? When did we start becoming disgusted at those who didn’t pick it up rather than those who did? This is a pretty seismic cultural shift, I’m sure you’ll agree.
I’ve been quizzing dog owners of a certain age about this. No one can quite remember when or how the change came about. What they all agree on is that, in the past, yes, dogs crapped everywhere with impunity. Also, because of the bonemeal used to bulk up dog food, it was white, which must have made it next to impossible to dodge in the snow. My auntie Barbara, who has owned countless dogs over her long life, points out that it was less a case of owners not picking up the poo; it was more that the owners often weren’t with their pets anyway, as dogs were generally left to roam at will. Only rarely did you see them out for walks on leads. I suppose you could argue that these were halcyon days for dogs as well as their owners. Easy life, if all ownership entailed was giving them a roof over their heads at night, some bonemeal-rich Lord-knows-what to eat, and sending them out to go about their daily business as they saw fit. Off you go, have a good one, see you tonight. For dog-sitters, the 50s and 60s must have been lean times indeed.
Apparently my uncle Mike’s dog Tinker used to pop round to say hello most days, Auntie Barbara’s house being a regular call on his daily wanderings around Handsworth. Sweet. And, in its own way, rather civilised – apart, obviously, from Tinker’s turds, which must have soiled many a shoe in his time. Did it not enrage people when this happened? Apparently not – it was just part of life. Could it be that the dogshit rage only properly kicked in when picking up the revolting stuff became an option?
For this, it seems we have to thank the former mayor of New York, Ed Koch, who we must assume trod in something one too many times for his liking, and resolved to take action. The consensus is that his landmark 1978 “Pooper-Scooper Law” was the gamechanger. Facing down opposition from those who professed concern about dog abandonment and, I suspect, those who just couldn’t face picking it up, he got it through. If you’re interested, there’s a whole book about this: New York’s Poop Scoop Law; Dogs, the Dirt, and Due Process. I’ve not read it, but it’s on my list.
Koch is quoted as saying, “If you’ve ever stepped in dog doo, you know how important it is to enforce the canine waste law. New Yorkers overwhelmingly do their duty and self-enforce. Those who don’t are not fit to call friend.” I approve this message. Woof woof!
Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster, writer and Guardian columnist
